Fox Henhouses, Inc. — On the Set Between Channels
For Immediate Release
Fox News correspondent Todd Lemmingway today reports on a poll showing 68 percent of viewers identified with the fox running the henhouse in the long-running cartoon series “Eggs For Sale.” Popular reasons included: they “wished they could be like him”; “The hens were wussies”; “Who wouldn’t be a fox if given a chance?” and “He seemed smarter.” No matter that the viewers themselves were all hens, a substantial majority agreed with the statement, “A fox is more suited to running a henhouse than just another hen.” The poll was conducted by Fox Engineers and Architects, Retail division (FEAR).
The cartoon series features Ned Leer, a handsome fox who lives in a posh acreage that manages a healthy budget surplus each year by selling eggs at a roadside stand staffed by hens. Eighty hens in the henhouse produce roughly an egg a day each, and the modest return from these 6+ dozen eggs amounts to enough income to qualify for a tax writeoff against Leer’s other business ventures. The hens, featuring feisty heroine Amelda, are fond of gossipping about Leer’s hen mistresses, selected at random from the flock. In a sinister plot twist, once selected, the mistresses do not return to the henhouse, their destinies unknown. Speculation is rife, and includes offworld abductions, scenarios of upscale apartments in the city, parallel universes, and feasts at the Leer dinner table for visiting fox dignitaries.
Shrugging off these mysteries and rumors, one hen respondent tittered, “Who knows? I just lay my morning egg, and look forward to my evening mash, while watching the next episode.”
The cartoon series website banner has a tagline reading “About Hens, For Hens,” and features a portrait of a smiling Ned Leer. A protest last week outside FEAR headquarters led to arrests of six young roosters, who were handcuffed and taken to maximum security cells at the Fox justice facility in Foxburg. “The hatchet for them,” read the opening comment on the website news page.
Lemmingway: I have here today a sociologist from Fox University, Dr. Henry Ague. Can you tell our viewers today, what is the significance of this recent poll?
Ague: I think it shows the healthy respect hens have for social order. I mean, they show common sense. The cartoon is popular because it portrays a universal truth, that foxes are best suited to run things. Hens get this. And they see in the character of Ned Leer a confidence and, we all know, handsome power, that they respect, and look up to. Who wouldn’t want to be him, to be where he is, instead of just another hen doing the egg thing?
Lemingway: I see what you mean, Dr. Ague. And wouldn’t you say, theoretically speaking, that if it were otherwise, we’d be in serious trouble?
Ague: Oh, I couldn’t agree more. We foxes wold be forced to close our businesses, sell our stock, cut back on our gambling. And the uppity hens, hopped up by those insurgent roosters, why, imagine the racket. Now if you and your viewers would excuse me, I have a dinner engagement at my henhouse tonight. Goodbye.
